If Not For You
by Tabitha Underwood
Summary: WARNING: This is rated M because it contains minor Yaoi, so if you aren't into that kind of thing, then don't read. Also, contains a minor mention of death, and an almost attempted suicide, so if that is a touchy subject for you, please don't read for your own safety. This story is also in Sasori's POV. It's still the same story, just not called "I wouldn't change a thing" anymore.
1. The Way It Began

**The Way It Began**

It had begun to get odd around the base as soon as Itachi, Kisame and I had brought back Deidara, he is apparently my new partner here in the Akatsuki. This should be really interesting, seeing as to the fact that he and I have completely different views of art. I know that I have the better opinion of art out of the two of us though.

"Hey Sasori, hmm." Deidara said as he had come into our shared room and disturbed me from my current puppet project.

"Yes, Deidara?" I asked as I cautiously turned around to see if anyone else was with him. I normally would be in my favorite puppet, but seeing that I was currently working, I wanted to be out of my puppet. "Are you just going to keep staring, or are you going to tell me why you are interrupting my work that needs to be finished?"

"Oh, uh, the Leader wants us to report to his office for our first big mission together, so we should probably get going before we end up like the guy with stitches did earlier hmm." Deidara responded, he looked really nervous.

Pain only seemed this aggravated whenever a new member came into the Akatsuki because he tries to intimidate them into following all of his commands. But I knew better, and so did a few other members. We listened to him so that we could avert the attention from the real leader, away from Madara.

"Yeah, alright." I responded to him, standing up and walking over towards my bed. "Let me just get into my shell, then we can report, alright?" I said, even though he would have to because I was his senior in this organization.

"Alright, yeah, that's fine with me, hmm." Deidara said, as he shifted his weight to his other foot for more comfort. "I still don't understand why you wear that damn thing everywhere outside of this room, hmm." He said, looking a bit irritated as I finally finished getting adjusted in my puppet shell.

"Simply because I fight better with it, and because you are the only living person who has seen me without this on." I told him, as I walked past him and into the hallway and started to go towards Pain's office.

"You really mean it, hmm?" Deidara asked as he jogged to catch up to me and walked as he soon as he made it to my side. "What had happened to all of the other people, hmm?" He asked rather curiously.

"The majority of them were Kakuzu's old partners, and I assume that you have already heard a lot of the rumors about what had happened to them." I responded, to which Deidara had stopped dead in his tracks with a ghost white look on his face. "Well come on now, you don't want to be late now, do you?" I asked as I turned around to look at his face more clearly.

"R-right, let's go, hmm." Deidara exclaimed as he jogged a bit ahead of me, and I turned around to join him in his approach of Pain's office once again. Time for this damn mission to begin, I guess.


	2. Our Secret Night

**Our Secret Night**

It had been almost a nine months since the time that I had that talk with Deidara, or had it almost been a year already. I don't really remember, I lost track after the first couple of months of having him hang around me. I guess I just really became used to his presence, maybe even a little bit of a crush. And on the plus side, during the beginning of our time together, he turned 18, and he should be turning 19 soon, so at least I know that he is legal if I actually do like him.

"Hey Sasori-Danna, hmm?" Deidara called as he turned his head to look at me as he continued to lay on his bed.

"Yes, what is it?" I said as I turned to face him in my swivel chair. I took in how he currently looked right now. He was laying on his back, he wasn't wearing his robe, and he was in his traditional wear. His main shirt was a big holed, fishnet shirt with a black midriff tank top on top of it, and he was also wearing dark grey, almost black, sweat pants with the drawstring strung tight on his waist, and on his ankles.

"I was curious about something, hmm." He said, dragging me out of my thoughts that had been intruding my mind. I focused on his face to make it easier to not be curious about the choice of wearing a crop top.

"Yes Deidara, what is it?" I asked, I looked into his icy blue eyes for what seemed to be the umpteen millionth time since I met him, and they never seemed to get any less boring. I mentally slapped myself, he's just a kid compared to me, why do I always think about these things in the first place?

"So what do you think about going out to the nearby village tomorrow morning, hmm?" Deidara asked with a bored pang in his voice. "It will be our first day off in a few months you know, hmm. We could disguise ourselves as travelers and go have a bit of fun, maybe stock up on a bit of supplies and say they are for a friend, hmm." He continued.

This time, when Deidara was speaking, he turned his head so that he was looking at the ceiling again. His right arm was resting under his head, and his left was laying lazily across his stomach. He looked like he returned to whatever he was thinking about before he caught my attention.

"That sounds interesting, actually." I said lazily, returning my attention to my latest creation on my work desk that separated Deidara's bed from mine. "What village is it, do you know?" I asked, glancing over at the young teen that was still laying on his bed.

"Yeah, I believe that it's the Leaf Village, hmm. Or at least that's the closer of the two, hmm." Deidara told me.

"Alright, sounds like a plan then, what time should I wake you tomorrow for our day off, or do you want to wake to your own accord?" I asked the teen, glancing at one of the two clocks on my work table, and it had midnight as the time.

"Could you wake me at 11:00 if I'm not up by then, hmm?" Deidara asked with a lazy voice.

"Yeah, I will, goodnight kid." I said, and flashed him one of my rare, lazy smiles.

"Goodnight, hmm" Deidara said, then returned a smile back at me.

A while later I heard him start to shift in his bed, so I glanced over at him. He was now on his right side, and he was reaching for the mini fridge next to the head of his bed. Deidara had pulled out a can of pop, cracked it open, and took a sip before setting the can on top of the mini fridge for easier access.

-10:30 the next morning-

I looked over at the clock and started to think about how I would wake the young teen up in half an hour, seeing that he might not be waking up on his own. That is, however, until I heard a groan from the teens bed that dragged my mind from my thoughts once again.

"Morning Sasori-Danna~, hmm." Deidara groaned as he sat up and almost fell on his face trying to stand up. Almost. "Thanks for catching me again, hmm." He groaned, and I let go of the chakra strings once I had made sure that he was standing safely.

"No problem, Deidara." I said to him. I watched him as he shuffled over to the dresser to get some of his stuff, and then went to our bedroom door to go to this hall's bathroom.

"I'll be back in a little bit, I'm going to go and get ready for our day off, hmm." Deidara stated, and then closed the door behind himself.

I walked over to my side of the room and laid down on my almost never used bed for the first time in what seemed to be the first time since I left the Sand. I closed my eyes and waited for the teen to return to their shared bedroom. It seemed so unnatural for me to be laying down on a bed and have my eyes closed. I hadn't actually slept in what seemed like an eternity all in its own, along with how long it had been since I actually snuck around a village and had fun. I am actually really glad that I had met Deidara, and actually had the chance to get close to him.

The sound of Deidara opening the door dragged me from my thoughts that I was in. Deidara looked around my desk franticly for me, seeing that it was a bit dark in our room. Curse my impatience and not liking people to wait, I really need to work on that one day.

"Over here Deidara." I said, sitting up on my bed, and I could slightly feel my cloak tighten on my back in protest. The look on Deidara's face of pure and utter shock was hysterical, to say the very least.

"Wow, I did not expect to see you there at all hmm." Deidara stated, the look of shock became one of sheer happiness at the fact that I was actually on my bed for once. "Did you hit a "Creative roadblock," as you call it, hmm?" He asked in a mildly cocky voice. That's right, I do tend to either lay or sit on my bed whenever that happens.

"No, this time I was actually waiting for you this time." I said, and he looked even more shocked than when he saw me on the bed in the first place. "Don't have a heart attack now, I am actually looking forward to this day off, so don't go ruining it for me or I'll have Kakuzu take your heart." I told him with a lazy smile so that he would know that I was kidding.

"Ok, ok, jeez, do you always have to go there, hmm?" He asked me while laughing a bit.

"You about ready kid? Because I have a plan to tell you about where I'm going to leave my shell, and how long we should be gone." I told him, and he nodded at me and threw his dirty clothes onto his bed.

"I'll be waiting in the kitchen for you, I'm going to eat a quick bowl of cereal before we leave, alright, hmm?" Deidara stated, and then left the room and closed the door behind himself and left me to get ready.

-10 minutes later-

"Hey Deidara, you ready to go yet?" I asked as I entered the living room/kitchen area to get him.

"Oh, are you two going on a date, is that what I hear going on over there for your guys' day off today?" Kisame asked as he turned around from sitting on the couch and put his book down on the couch next to him.

Deidara nearly did a spit take with the milk that was in his mouth, and also almost dropped the bowl that was in his hands. Almost. I glared at Kisame through the eyes of Hiruko and I extended the tail a little bit to make myself seem a bit more intimidating for what I was about to say.

"This is not a date, we are simply just going to get some extra inside Intel on the Leaf seeing that you are stupid enough to go into the village without a disguise. So just keep your opinions to yourself, you walking fish stick." Harsh, maybe a little, but I had to set it straight in Kisame's mind that this wasn't a date. There also was no way that I would let him know that we were going to have fun either.

"Alright, jeez Sasori, learn to take a joke once in a while." Kisame said, turning around and picked up his book again. "I think you've been overworking yourself a bit lately Sasori, maybe this scouting will be a good thing for you." He said, then continued from where he left off in his book.

"Let's go Deidara, I still need to tell you the plan." I said, to which I got a nod from Deidara, who followed on my heels.

-20 minutes later-

"Ok, so nobody should be coming to this specific part of the lake, and if they do, then there will be a flare that sets off, alright?" I told Deidara as we took our Akatsuki garb off, and I came out of Hiruko.

"Sounds reasonable then, how long will we have to get back here and leave before things get to dangerous if the flare does go off then, hmm?" Deidara asked, looking me in the eyes with his icy orbs.

"I would say roughly 10 minutes at the very max, and that is pushing it a little on its own, got it?" I said, earning a nod in agreement from the teen.

"Now can we go have some fun then Danna, hmm?" Deidara asked. We both looked at each other for another brief second, then we transformed into two common looking travelers.

"Now we are ready, let's go then." I said, then we walked into the Leaf to start our adventure.

-A few hours later-

"Danna, I'm getting a bit tired, can we take a break please, hmm?" Deidara asked as we were walking down one of the busy streets of Konoha. This place was a lot bigger than I had ever remembered it being before when I had come here. I spotted a dumpling shop a little bit ahead, he liked dumplings, right? "Dannaaa~, did you hear me, hmm?" He whined again, causing a few people to look at us.

"Yes, I heard you, I was looking for a place to rest, how about we go there, to the dumpling shop? Does that sound fair to you?" I asked as I pointed just a couple of blocks ahead, to which he agreed.

-After the dumplings-

We started to walk back towards our belongings because dusk was approaching, and neither one of us wanted to risk staying in the Leaf overnight. After we had gotten to our things, I put Hiruko into a scroll, which really surprised Deidara.

"You actually have a scroll for him, hmm?" He asked me, still with a shocked look on his face.

"Yeah, all of my puppets do, I'm surprised that I didn't tell you about this one yet." I said, chuckling warmly and giving him a lazy smile, which gained a smile in return from Deidara.

"We should start walking, I think I hear someone approaching, hmm." Deidara stated, so we took off for our journey back to the base.

-15 minutes later, 5 minutes from the base-

"Hey, Sasori-Danna, can we take a break please, hmm?" Deidara asked, practically dragging his feet while he was walking.

"Can't you wait 5 more minutes, we are almost back to the base?" I asked him, turning around to look at him for a moment. That's when I noticed that it looked like he might pass out from exhaustion. "Yeah, sure, but not for too long, alright. We will rest for about 10 minutes, then we will continue walking." I told him, then sat down on a nearby rock.

Deidara on the other hand wasn't as graceful, he completely fell stomach first onto the grass of the open field that separated us from the current base. I looked between Deidara and our hideout for a moment, then that is when I realized that Deidara was watching me.

"Want some fireworks or something, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"I've never actually seen fireworks, to be completely honest with you, and I don't really plan to ever see them either." I said to the younger male, who looked like he had just seen the devil himself.

"That's it, I'm showing them to you, whether you like it or not, hmm." Deidara said, and then started a small fireworks display.

I will admit, they were beautiful, but I may have gotten a bit too distracted by the fireworks that I didn't notice the best part of this whole ordeal. Deidara had slowly been inching towards me, and before I realized it, the best thing happened. Deidara had turned fully towards me, and then placed a rough kiss on my lips. I was shocked at first, but then I quickly melted into it and wrapped my arms around his waist.

The two of us made out for a few more moments before we decided to take it to the base, where hopefully we would get a little bit of privacy. I'm not going to lie though, that was probably the slyest thing that anyone could have done to get my attention.


	3. My Bombers Dream

**My Bombers Dream**

It had been a week since the night of the fireworks, and I honestly am glad that it happened, even though I would never tell anyone. We would occasionally steal a few kisses every now and again from each other because we knew that nobody here would understand. Well, maybe Kisame would understand, seeing how close he has gotten to Itachi after all.

My attention shot over to the young blonde who started to groan in his sleep, and I noticed that he was tossing and turning a lot more than he normally would be in his sleep. Then all of a sudden he shot straight up on his bed, eyes wide open, and he look like he had just seen a ghost.

"Aaahh!" Deidara had yelped out when he shot up. He was soon gasping for air, as if he had just been winded, and he was sweating a little. I quickly made my way over to his side and sat on the edge of his bed in a way that I was facing him.

"Are you alright Deidara?" I asked him as I gently placed a hand on his shoulder, which seemed to startle him a bit more.

"Oh thank god! You're alright, hmm!" Deidara practically yelled. He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around my neck and nuzzled his face into my neck. "I thought that it was all real, I'm so glad it wasn't!" Deidara sighed into my neck.

I didn't want to ask him what had happened just yet because it seemed too soon, so I wrapped my arms around his back to comfort him. One of my hands started to stroke his long blonde hair, mainly because I remembered that he said that it helped him whenever he got scared like this.

"It'll be alright Deidara, I'm right here, and nothing is going to happen to me anytime soon, I promise you that." I hushed him as he continued to shake a little in my arms. "Everything is alright Deidara, it will be just fine." I hushed him again as if he were a small child.

-Later that day-

"Hey, Sasori-Danna, do you want to go out and train for a little bit with me, hmm?" Deidara asked as he swung the door open and slid into the room a little. "I think I found a really great spot to train about a mile away from here, nobody should bother us, hmm." He spoke again, sounding really excited about his new discovery.

"Sure, why not." I told him as I stood up from my work chair. "I just finished this puppet, and I was going to go and test it out anyway. I'll be ready in a few minutes, you can wait in the lounge room for me if you want to." I informed him as I walked over to get into Hiruko for me to leave the base.

"I think that I will wait in hear for you this time, hmm." Deidara said as he closed our bedroom door and walked over to his bed and sat down.

After I got into Hiruko, I walked back over to my work station and pulled out an empty scroll. After I did that, I took control of the new puppet and made it stand on top of the scroll and I sealed it inside of the scroll for me to pull it out later, rolled the scroll back up, and then glanced over at Deidara to let him know that I was ready.

"Lead the way, Deidara. Since you did find this training spot." I told him as our eyes locked.

"Oh, right. Right this way, hmm." Deidara said as he sprang up from his bed and practically fell back onto the bed. He quickly went to the door, opened it, and then led the way to the training ground that he found, which was pretty far from most of the villages, and was only a mile away from our current location.

-An hour later-

"Hey Deidara, can I ask you something?" I said, looking at the young teen who was currently panting from an intense training session that we just got done with.

"Yeah, sure, what is it, hmm?" Deidara asked as he looked up, sweat covering his face, and his cheeks red from over exhaustion.

"So, what was with you saying that you were glad that I was alright this morning?" I said, looking deep into his icy eyes. I swear, I thought that his face got a little bit redder when I brought that back up, but I just really needed to know why.

"Oh, well, umm…" Deidara started as he looked away, then he adjusted from bending over to sitting on the ground since he had finally caught his breath. "I had a nightmare where you were killed, and it just seemed so real that I thought that it had actually happened, that's all, hmm." Deidara explained. Wait, I died, and it affected him that much?

"Who killed me, did you get to see them?" I asked, I know it seemed a bit nosey, but I just had to find out the whole thing behind this mystery.

"It looked like you Mom and Dad puppets that had made the final blow in killing you, but it was an old woman who looked like she was from the Sand who was controlling them, and there was a younger, pink haired Leaf Villager with her, hmm." Deidara said. So it was my grandma and some Leaf villager, lovely.

"Well don't worry, you don't have to worry about that happening, I promise you that I won't let that happen, alright?" I told him, which made Deidara look back at me in shock, but smiled at me after a few seconds.

"Alight. And what are we, hmm?" Deidara asked me, which really took me by surprise. Where did that come from in the first place?

"What do you mean?" I asked, very puzzled by his question.

"Are we just friends, are we dating, or are we something in-between, hmm? What are we, I need to know so that I know that I'm not just wasting my time with this, hmm." Deidara said, looking very serious about his statement. I was very surprised to say the least.

"Well, I want to be more than friends, but doesn't it bother you that I'm a lot older than you at all?" I asked, looking at him.

"I know that you are, but I need to know that you want us to make it as much as I want it too, because I see you as more than just my best friend, and I want this so bad, hmm." Deidara said, looking overly concerned and serious.

"Then we will make it work, but the Akatsuki won't be able to find out, and you know that. But we are going to make it work, alright?" I said to him as I approached him, and kissed him gently on the lips. This was going to be my first serious relationship in so many years. But, this was also going to be the first one that I actually wanted to make it last.

"Then let's do it, let's make it work, hmm." Deidara said, then flung his arms around my neck and kissed me, this was going to be an interesting journey for both of us.


	4. My Little Protector

**My Little Protector**

A couple of months after me and Deidara figured out that we were truly dating, we had started going out on more and more missions, and we had also started training together more often so that we could get some alone time together. As for Deidara's dreams of me dying, they have been happening more and more often, and they have also been getting more graphic as well. That, I believe, is what bothers me the most about me and him dating, they have only been getting worse since we decided that we were officially dating.

I felt his arms wrap around me in a vice grip again, he was having another dream, and I could only imagine what was happening this time around. A few weeks ago Deidara begged me to start laying down with him when he goes to go to sleep so that he can at least make sure that I'm right there with him in his sleep, which I thought was kind of cute.

The next morning I woke him up, and made sure that he had everything for when he went to go take his shower, and I went to my work table and grabbed one of my scalpels that I had for carving certain designs into my puppets. I held it tightly in my hand for a moment as I looked at it with questioning pain.

' _If I just cut out my heart, then it would be a lot easier for Deidara to handle then to deal with the nightmares on an almost nightly basis. And it shouldn't be that painful for me, right? Since the rest of my body is made of wood, all I would have to do would be to just whittle it out. And it's not like Deidara knows how to put it back in to bring me back to life, right?'_ I thought as I brought the scalloped closer to where my heart lies in this supposed shell.

Right when I had started the first marking around the outside of where my heart was, Deidara walked back into our bedroom saying something about going back later because Itachi was taking forever.

"What are you doing over there, hmm?" Deidara asked as he got closer, then he sounded really alarmed when he spoke next. "H-hey, stop that, hmm!" He exclaimed quickly as he stated as he started to run over to my side.

"Why should I, damn it?" I practically yelled in the poor man's face. I just couldn't help it, I was genuinely terrified for the first time that I could ever remember in my entire life. I can honestly say too, that I hate the feeling of feeling as worthless as I do right now. Because I desperately want to help Deidara out, but he refuses to tell me about his dreams anymore, and I don't know any other way that I can help him.

"Please, I promise that I will help you out and protect you as best as I can, just please promise me that you will never do this again, hmm. And if this is about _**MY**_ nightmares, then you shouldn't worry about it, because they have turned into nightmares of losing you to either suicide or by you simply losing interest in me, hmm." Deidara said as he managed to rip the scalloped out of my vice grip that I had on it. All of that training really had given him more muscle then I had originally thought.

"Fine," I sighed. "But just please start telling me about your dreams again, I truly am worried that my presence might be the thing that has been triggering your pain. So I had just assumed that—" I never got to finish my sentence because of my impatient and irrational blonde boyfriend.

"I was scared of losing you in any way shape or form, so you don't need to take your own life, hmm. You are truly irreplaceable to this organization, and more importantly, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my pathetic life, hmm." Deidara stated, and then he kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around my neck. "I love you so much Sasori-Danna, and I never want to _EVER_ lose you, hmm." Deidara whispered into my ear.

I hugged him as tightly as I could into my cold, wooden body, and moved his legs so that he was sitting on my lap. I held him so close that I thought that I might break him, or that my life depended on me holding him still to my zombie like body.

"I love you too, my little bombing protector, and I never want to lose you either." I whispered back to him as I buried my face into Deidara's chest. "If only you would let me turn you into a puppet, then we could live together forever."

"I never said no to that, hmm" Deidara stated, pulling back a little from my hold on him. "Actually, I never even remember you asking me that question in the first place, hmm." Deidara stated, looking at me genuinely confused and happy at the same time.

"Really? I could have sworn that I asked you and that you told me no." I said, looking up at him, extremely concerned about this situation.

"I think that you've been dreaming, Sasori-Danna, hmm" Deidara mocked as I looked up at him in pure horror.

 _Sleep?_ **Me?** _Since when?_

"What?" Was all I managed to get out in my state of pure shock that I was still in.

"And my answer is yes, Sasori-Danna, I would love to be with you forever, just so long as I get to keep my explosion techniques, hmm." Deidara stated as he winked at me when he finished.

"A-alright, then let's begin, shall we?" I stated, and then gestured towards my workshop table as I swiveled us in its direction while we were both still in my chair.

…

…

…

And that is all people, you can only imagine what happened after that. Happy imagining people.


End file.
